Definition: PIC= Partner in Crime= BFF= Amie. In case you lot can't follow my logic. Gigglesnort.
So yeah. My date with the cripple carts in the store.
It started with a Zombie Foot. And a surgery. And this girl being on crutches and Percocet. There you go.
After that it started with an innocuous invite from PIC to go wreak havoc and hell... plus I needed a fucking cigarette. So Mother Dear says... "Well when you're out you should get a BBQ lighter. And some duct tape. And some WD-40". (Oh shit, I really was spawned from this woman).
So off we go. Helllooooo Dollar Tree!
Dollar Tree on crutches is like a hopping death trap. All that crap, piled haphazardly in little teeny aisles. I'm lucky I didn't die. But I did get these little cup things, I think they're shot glasses, that have feet. One has boobs and the other one has shorts and little abs. They're supposed to be hula cups I suppose. But Dollar Tree is lame and doesn't carry WD-40 so we had to go to Rite Aid. Rite Aid was boring so I told PIC that we needed to get me a motherfucking beer, stat, cause Mommy Dearest wouldn't let me drink while on Percocet and I was having withdrawals. Plus, I wanted to look like a gangsta carrying around a 40 on crutches. And again why Rite Aid is lame- they don't have 40s. Or 22s. So we had to go to Albertson's... and that's where I lost my shit.
Albertson's has those electro-wheely cripple carts. So I got one.
Then we had to go raid the booze aisle. Like so:
(I think I have a problem)
It's patently unfair that all the loose booze is on the top shelf. Not very nice for alcoholic (psychotic?) cripples in need. So we decided to take a few more pictures for posterity, anyways.
(YUM!)And then I figured out the carts drive backwards! Nirvana!
(My cart was faster than hers)
So we're zooming through the store giggling madly like a bunch of high teenagers, taking pictures at random and trying not to run the other patrons of the store over. It was awesome.
When I got back home I tried to tell Mommy Dearest what happened, and why I was laughing so fucking hard. It was funny, dammit!!!
"What are you ON? Drugs?"
And this is why you never tell your mother about anything awesome.