Technical support at work almost made me have an aneurism today, I swear to fucking god.
Me:
"Hi, I need to re-instate my access for *program*, I was on a leave of absence and I'm back."
Them:
"Not our problem, contact X at *department*, they'll do it."
Me:
*emails X*
X:
"Not my problem, contact IT and they'll do it for you"
Me:
*rolls eyes*
IT:
"We have no idea what program you are talking about"
Me:
*bangs my head repeatedly on my desk*
"So who DO I talk to, then?"
IT:
"Your manager." (Seriously, fuckers, my manager has NO idea how to do this kind of stuff, even if we had the capability! WTF?!)
Me:
"Fuck off and die! My manager can't do this!" (well, maybe minus the first part)
IT:
"uhhhhh... hold please"
At this point, the call has gone on for FORTY FUCKING MINUTES, kid you not. I'm turning purple. It's one freaking tiny little program that I use once a month, and every single person in my role uses once a month, and no one in IT has any fucking idea what it is?! Fuck!
Transferred to another department.
Department 4:
"Uhhhhhhh what? Department 1 should have done that"
Me:
*screams silently*
Department 4:
"Let me transfer you again"
Me:
*bangs head against desk until my eyeballs rattle*
Department 5
"Ahthaenks youssshhhh ferrr callg (unintelligible) rowh cenh ah help youth?"
Me:
*Fuck what?*
(repeats bullshit problem for the eleventy billionth time)
Department 5
"aahmmla; e;piohbfljbv c;ikfgjhbilhfgj.nb;ofgijd;"
Me:
(FUCKING ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!?!?!)
"Pardon me?"
Department 5
"Mehhmmmmmm, Aghee dunno what you arrhee ashhkn ferrr"
Me:
"Get me a manager. Now."
Department 5
"Whull meehmmm, what aah emm tryngj to tfelch you..."
Me:
"Manager. Please. Thank you."
After an hour and a half (yes, I timed it) I was transferred to a totally unrelated department, who had no control over the issue but *DING!!!* knew the program I was trying to get into.
He called Department 1 for me and ripped them a new one.
Guess who got access after that!
And I wonder why I drink.
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